Calliope: Play chess with Vriska.

CALLIOPE: do yoU know mUch aboUt chess?

VRISKA: Of COURSE I do.

VRISKA: I was the hardest hitter in the whole session 8ecause of my sick tactical str8s!
CALLIOPE: tactical straights?
VRISKA: Yes! Tavros wound up 8eing useful somehow. >::::)
CALLIOPE: i don't think he's-
VRISKA: >::::)
CALLIOPE: well, i don't distrUst yoUr tactical stratagems.
CALLIOPE: bUt i ask becaUse........... red moves first. ^U^
VRISKA: Oh fuck- right, right. 
VRISKA: Right, riiiiiiiight. 

CALLIOPE: well that's certainly an........... interesting move. 
VRISKA: Yeah!
VRISKA: Terezi always laughed at me for this move 8ut hey, if it works it works.
CALLIOPE: ........ does it work?
VRISKA: It works for me!
CALLIOPE: that's qUite fortUitoUs. 
VRISKA: >::::)
CALLIOPE: in most chess research people refer to this as the ammonia opening.
VRISKA: Oh yeah? 
VRISKA: Is that 8ecause it's 8om8astic and explosive????????
CALLIOPE: it's becaUse it stinks............
VRISKA: May8e all those chess freaks should play with me, then they'd know how dope this move really is. 
CALLIOPE: there's an opening i expected of yoU bUt it's got qUite a loaded name.
CALLIOPE: they call it the english opening.
CALLIOPE: it's c4.
CALLIOPE: it's a move where yoU claim the center for yoUrself! 
CALLIOPE: and then i can riposte with what's called the "great snake" defense. ^U^
VRISKA: Eughhhhhhhh, ok8y. 
VRISKA: If my opening move sucks so 8ad, can I get a take8ack, then?
CALLIOPE: of coUrse!
CALLIOPE: i'll gladly accomodate yoUr plays. :U
CALLIOPE: games are meant to be fUn, of coUrse. 
VRISKA: Right. So if that opening sucks the moon right out of the sky, what *is* a good opening move? 
CALLIOPE: well, the two opening moves that are considered "canonical" are fairly predictable. u_u
CALLIOPE: they are d4 and e4! 
CALLIOPE: simply move one of your two center pawns Up, and yoU've got yoUrself an opener. 
VRISKA: I see........
VRISKA: Wouldn't that leave your most powerful pieces exposed?
VRISKA: I'm no Derse dreamer. I'm not going to let you just waltz up and off my king.
CALLIOPE: well i sUppose it woUld bUt- 
VRISKA: I'm not falling for it. 
CALLIOPE: ...........
CALLIOPE: if yoU don't believe me, why don't yoU let me go first, then?
CALLIOPE: let me be red, here, and.
CALLIOPE: off the books, we can see how strong it really is. 
VRISKA: ........
VRISKA: Off the 8ooks. 

(sponsored by @vriskas-8log on tumblr)